If you’re feeling really nervous about something, you’ve probably been told to be confident. But how are you supposed to do that? These 5 steps, when practiced regularly, will help you move your confidence needle so you will do better in interviews and feel more comfortable with challenges.
- Adopt a growth mindset. A growth mindset allows you to understand that you are able to improve. A fixed mindset, in contrast, is the belief that your skills and abilities are simply what they are— that you are bad at math, for instance. But the neuroscience is clear: we can learn and improve, and understanding that will help you take on new challenges. (Please watch the video. Carol Dweck is a pioneer in the field and her research is so encouraging!)
- Picture your success. Really imagine it—you have just done the daunting thing, the thing that was keeping you up at night. You can try some quick tips, too: stand like Wonder Woman before a challenge, listen to music with deep bass, remember stories of past successes. And really imagine yourself succeeding!
- Remember that failure is both inevitable and a great way to learn. The Japanese saying I used to have pinned to my wall is 猿も木らおちる: Even monkeys fall out of trees. In other words, even if you’re great at something, you can still fail. Failure shouldn’t be a fixed mindset (see above) either. Another Japanese saying I like is 七転び八起き:fall down seven times, stand up eight.
- List your accomplishments. Get in the habit of doing this weekly or even daily. Initially, what you write down may be very small: you promised yourself you’d have a serving of vegetables today and you did. But build on those successes. You can list older accomplishments, as well. Being in the habit of really seeing what you’ve done will remove the veil that blocks our ability to see our successes.
- Practice self-kindness. The things we most harshly judge ourselves for are things we would almost certainly forgive our loved ones for, so try being one of your own loved ones. I had a friend in grad school who, when she overheard someone engaged in negative self-talk, would approach that person and say, “Hey, please don’t talk about my friend that way.” This is something we could all internalize just a bit!
