I know that’s corny, but hear me out.
First off, there is no such thing as an inherently good job, just as there’s no single person who’s good to date. Some people like active, outdoorsy jobs and some prefer to work indoors. Some want lots of human interaction and some want as little as possible. Similarly, some people want to date quiet, reserved people and some like enthusiastic folks. Whatever you prefer is what’s right for you.
Second, you shouldn’t feel the need to settle, and all the good ones aren’t already taken. Be choosy and look for the right fit. The issue is usually a more pressing with jobs than with romance because most of us need jobs in order to live, while partners are a bit more optional. Still, I wouldn’t want you to date someone you dislike, and I wouldn’t want you to work in a job you don’t like. A caveat here: there are times in life when we do need to settle for something, as the job market of the pandemic has shown us. But that should be short-term, and even then, you shouldn’t feel like you’re stuck in the job, and you definitely shouldn’t dread going to work. And when you’re ready to settle down, as it were, be very picky about jobs, because if you enjoy yours, you are likely to grow and thrive, and to be able to give your best efforts to it.
Third, you aren’t stuck with it. That’s not to say that I encourage divorce, exactly, though I do encourage leaving a job you don’t like, and there’s no such thing as couples-style job counseling. Still, it’s very possible to get out of a bad marriage, and it’s very possible to leave a bad job. Most states are at-will these days, meaning you can get fired for any reason or no reason, so you should also take that to mean you can leave as you need to.
And finally, abuse happens and it’s not your fault. That doesn’t mean you should put up with it, though. Work bullies function in similar ways to abusive partners, manipulating things so you start to feel the poor treatment is your own fault. It’s not, of course, and you have done nothing to deserve to be mistreated, so please find a way to leave and stay gone. With a job, the good news is that you can find a new one that precludes stepping back into the old one. It might not be a great fit—retail, food service, and gig jobs are the ones that are easiest to come by—but there’s nothing wrong with a soft landing place. Find whatever you need to find in order to leave the abusive situation, and after you take some time to heal, start thinking about what a good job would be like, and taking steps so you can get there.
You spend a lot of time at work—40 or so hours a week, by most traditional measures. That sets the bar pretty high, in my book, so really spend some time determining what makes you happy. As the ad says, you’re worth it.
