There’s a lot of pressure on us to comply in everyday ways: your manager’s requests, your doctor’s advice, a loved one’s plea. Sometimes there are good reasons—perhaps you’re struggling with a persistent health issue and your doctor has solid guidance. But sometimes going along with requests makes us uncomfortable, and those feelings are worth noting and doing something about.
It’s hard to say no when the pressure is on, but complying with things that feel wrong to us is that it can start us down the path of losing our way, forgetting the very things that make us us. And for what it’s worth, it also feels terrible.
So how can we learn to set those boundaries better?
Start by really noticing when something feels off in a demand or a request. If you get that sensation of this isn’t me, that’s a crucial realization. As Viktor Frankl put it, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Carrying through with the action anyway risks us actually turning into that person, so stop when you get that feeling, even if it’s just to catch your breath. Then say something: “I’m not comfortable with that.” “May I have some time to think about it?” “Is there another option?”
Keep practicing these small acts of boundary-setting. You don’t have to default to compliance and lose sight of who you truly are.
