A few years ago, the journal Public Relations published an article that highlights how men are better at building strategic networks, which in turn lead to better access to promotions. This wasn’t exactly a scientifically researched project, being based on only a few women’s self-reports, and in Germany, but it merits some discussion nonetheless. In my own experience, I can say that those who identify as women tend to see colleagues as friends or potential friends, while those who identify as men tend to see them as possible allies. For many women, seeking help from someone more established or better-connected feels like exploitation of the relationship, whereas most men see this as just what it takes to get ahead in the world of work. These are generalizations, of course, but overall this is a pattern that I see in my clients.
This also winds up potentially meaning that many women are also not finding mentors who challenge them and make them stretch to reach their potential. It also possibly means that those women have less access to the decision-makers in a workplace, which is where some of that promotion potential comes in. Without people to dare us to take on things we might want to avoid, without the ear of the person who hands out the choicest assignments, how will these women succeed? Here are some tips:
- Work to change your mindset. Networking is a strategy and a tool, not a way to get stuff from people. If you can stop thinking of it as manipulative, you can start bringing yourself around to ways to feel good about talking to people you know.
- Define things clearly. Your friends are your friends, but how about those people you know who aren’t people you spend weekend time with? The people whose company you enjoy but you don’t send them cute otter videos? The ones you chat with in line at the coffee shop or over the copier? Those are the people in your network! Think of them as allies instead. Make a list of them, including things like email addresses, and reach out.
- But don’t just reach out. A ‘sup? email won’t particularly work to your advantage. Think about the roles each person plays and what you hope to learn. (You can add this to your list.) For instance, the person who always gets assigned to the interesting projects might be someone you ask to mentor you, while the person who has the manager’s ear might be someone who can help you find new opportunities.
- Be thoughtful. Don’t just ask someone to be your mentor. Build the relationship and demonstrate your competence to that person. You might start by taking someone to coffee, or asking someone to teach you a specific thing. (Specific, though! Don’t ask them to teach you to adult. Ask them for tips on the new messaging application or dealing with a difficult coworker—after you’ve ascertained that they’re not BFFs, of course.) Write out what you hope to learn from each person, and how you plan to start building that relationship.
- Be work-y. Remember that you’re focused on finding work allies here so don’t get stuck in the chit-chat loop. Keep your focus on work: “I really admired how you handled that angry person last week. Would you mind telling me how you managed to keep your cool and solve that guy’s problem?”
- Pay it forward. Or sideways. Or whatever floats your boat. You can share new insights or knowledge with your network as you gain it, and you can think about ways you would like to mentor people as you move forward.
Does this seem manageable? Let me know if you have questions, but I have faith in you! You’ve got this.
